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How to be a bad father

May 20th, 2004 2 comments

A week ago Tuesday, Cassidy wanted to talk to her Daddy who had not called her since their last get together over a month ago, …while they were talking, Cassidy’s Dad Troy asked “How much do of my $550 monthly child support (plus almost $3000 back due) do I have to pay to get you to drive half-way so I can see my daughter?”. While I understand what he wanted to know, this was the worst way he could have asked that question. Anna told him she’d need to speak with me since it involved us both. SHe and I spoke anda agreed the minimum would be his normal $300 plus $50 for gas (since prices are currently around $2.49 per gallon). She called Troy back the next day (Wednesday), and he agreed to the $350, so, they setup the time of 5pm to meet at the half-way point (30 miles south on Interstate five from Route 152).

Friday 5/14: Anna shows up at 4:45pm (early) to get Cassidy to Troy. Troy’s Mother, Billie, shows up, with a cashier’s check for $300, as it wasn’t her that wrote it or agreed to it, we didn’t take that up with her.

Sunday Morning 5/16: Anna call’s Mary’s cell phone (the only non business contact phone we have for Troy) to make arragements to meet them to get Cassidy back. We agree upon 5pm that evening at the same half-way point. During the call, Troy’s gf Mary gives Anna a hard time about various things, which of course, are news to Mary and Troy since they aren’t involved in Cassidy’s life but once a month or so, maybe less.., it was inappropriate…. Since Anna doesn’t feel comfortable, she doesn’t bring up the $50 deficciency. Since Mary was a complete asshole, I call her back, and request that she bring the missing $50, to which she asks Troy how much he agreed to, he of course says only $50, mary echoes this to me, to which I respond simply…

“FIne, since you are going to play games like this, we are no longer going to transport Cassidy to make sure you get to see her, goodbye (click) (as, as the law states, this is not our responsibility, only that we make her available).

Sunday 4:50pm 5/16: So, we show up around 4:50, and go sit on the grass, waiting for Troy/Mary to show up. As soon as Troy shows up, he immediately gets out of the car, not waiting for Mary, or Mary to get Cassidy out of the car, and makes a B-Line for me, walking fast with an agressive stance, he yells something to Anna as he gets close, and comes to me, well within my space, and proceeds to yell to me about how he only agreed to $300, he also claimed that we weren’t taking care of Cassidy’s health, and that she had a yeast infection. I tried to assert something, but he interrupted me within half a second of me trying to takl to him.

When this had started going on (troy, b-line, Troy yelling at me), Anna quickly grabbed Cassidy from Mary, and while she was bringing her to the car, Cassidy tearing-up/crying, Cassidy asks Anna “Why is my Daddy yelling at Ben?” (nice one Dad, you POS)

When he finally paused, I asserted “You wanna talk about Cassidy’s? Health? Okay, lets talk about how when she came back to us last time from, from being at your ‘car show’, why she was Sunburned.., how you were so busy paying attention to your show car and talking to OTHER people who were not your daughter that you didn’t keep her covered with sun tan lotion, at how we brought her to the hospital because she was dehyrated and complaining about lower back pain (kidneys, we have paperwork from Camino Medical Center)…, things that REALLY happened (he paused, wasn’t sure what to make of it, then starting yelling about other stuff, but I was done), I started to walk toward Anna’s Car (Anna/Cassidy were already inside), I wasn’t going to sit there while this went on any longer, to which he yelled “You WILL drive her down here…”. I ignored him, as I said, I was done, I won’t be treated like that from Troy the child, part of me wishes he would have thrown a punch so the restraining order would go in place, and that would be the last time we’d ever have to deal with him.

So, we drove home, going first to Camino Medical Center to check Troy’s claim that Cassidy had a Yeast Infection. We felt quite silly, knowing full well that Troy lies, but went anyway to cover our ass, and make sure Cassidy was okay. The docter laughed at us as she had a bug bite on her lower stomache near her private parts.

What’s worse, Troy listened to what other ‘rumor mill startin’ assholes’ (see Also: Billie his Mom) told him, and even worse, didn’t bring her to the doctor while she was in his care, nice on Dad (he doesn’t deserve that title)).

Anyway, Troy? I dub you, “Word’s Worst Father”, and no, I won’t be driving…, not til your wages are being garnished, and even then, only meeting at Courthouses, California Highway Patrol offices, and Police Departments…, you’re screwed pal…you really fucked up…, you mouthed off to the wrong guy.., You didn’t even say goodbye to your daughter Asshole, let alone the fact that you were too busy yelling at me to notice the impact you were having on your maluable daughter’s mind (sigh/shaking head)

So, as we were driving away, Cassidy asked me, as her tears were starting to dry up, “Ben? Why was my Daddy yelling at you?”, to which I replied “Your Daddy loves you, but he doesn’t love me or your Mom.” She sat, thinking for a minute, then replied with “When you yell at someone you should apoligize.” (that’s right Cassidy, that’s what you should do)

By the way, Sadly this marks the first time that Cassidy wasn’t crying as we drove away from her Dad. SHe wasn’t upset to be leaving him, only hurt and confused at why her Daddy was yelling at someone that she loved (Me). After I told her why he was yelling at me, she begain to cheer up, and we made her laugh (what caring adults should do for kids who are hurt by their fathers).

Well, I had to write about that stuff, and I did it.

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More Lessons In Patience

March 22nd, 2004 No comments

What prompts this update to my blog you say? It starts by several recent occurences, of which, none suprised me. The weekend of February 6th and 7th was Troy’s weekend with Cassidy. Troy and his girlfriend Mary both know that if they want to make arrangements for us to courteously drive to the half-way point to assist in making sure Cassidy gets to see Dad, that several things need to happen.

1) a phone call by end of day Wednesday to make travel arrangements to meet half way.
2) Bring $300/month child support (150 every two weeks, assuming he’s actually seeing his daughter, note that the legal amount owed is $550/month).

So, the first message we received that week was on Friday at 2:45pm on our home answering machine (they have my cell phone number). As Troy is a child, he doesn’t want to abide by the rules, nor respect those that would make them. So, having no time to plan to work around Troy’s lack of maturity, we we unable to arrange a meeting to have Cassidy see her Dad.

Upon the end of the weekend and our return home, I called Mary;s Cell phone (the only point of home contact we have for Troy) on Monday, and told her we would be happy to make plans for the following Weekend. She spoke about the upcoming weekend, and a car show that they WOULD be attending, and that they were not sure that would work. Mary called me back informing me that the only way it would work is if we met on Thursday. Wanting Cassidy to have her Dad in her life, we made arrangements with Cassidy’s Kindgergarten teacher to have her day work for Friday sent home with her on Thursday (thinking she could do the work over the weekend with Dad and Mary). So, I called back on Wednesday getting Mary’s cellular phone Voicemail, saying “Yes, we can meet on Thursday, please call me back to confirm, agreeing to 1)get the school work done before her return to San Jose and 2)bring $300 which was now due.

Thursday and Friday came and went, with no returned phone call, and Cassidy longing to see her Dad, not understanding why Dad didn’t call, not knowing that Dad didn’t call. We try as we can to protect her from the stuff that will make her suffer that she doesn’t need to feel.

So, the following Thursday night at 9:30pm (almost two weeks from the original weekend Troy was supposed to meet us and take Cassidy, and well after Cassidy was asleep, Dad has no time to talk to his daughter) he calls. Saying, lets set it up so I can see my daughter. I ask him if he has the child support (which, even the lower amount would be $300). He only has $150, and says thats all he can get. So, I kindly tell him, he’ll need to bring $300, and he’ll need to borrow the money if he doesn’t have $300. We go back and forth a bit, but he seems to start to see some of the reason in my thinking.

His points are like this:
-I missed seeing my daughter because of you
(uh, Troy, no…., that is not correct, you’re irresponsible, that’s why)
-Since i’ve been screwed outta that last weekend, I don’t owe you as much Child Support
(uh…Troy, no…. that is not correct, nor does the law agree with you)
-I’ll bring $150 this time, and we can make up the missed weekend the following weekend, and go back on schedule the weekend after that (uh, no Troy, we have plans for the weekend she’s going to be up here, Anna’s Mom is going to come up, and No, I’m not driving down toward Bakersfield three weekends in a row, only so you can weasil your way out of further child support)

So, when he saw I was not flexible on this, he said “So that’s it eh? You’re going to keep me from seeing my daughter?”, to which I responded “No, incorrect, you can come up and pick Cassidy up and drop her back off, just make arrangements to do so” (since you won’t pay child support). We have never kept her from seeing him once, he’s just a lazy child, and he will either grow up or suffer. It’s his choice. We’ve been checking up with the California Department of Child Services, and they’re going to start garnishing his wages here in a bit, which will be nice, we won’t have to deal with Troy about Child support anymore.

Troy thinks I’m rolling in the dough, he has no idea of the monthly bills I have, and like a child, doesn’t think that there may be more than meets the eye. I’m sick of his bullshit, and I’m very close to making transporting Cassidy to and from San Jose his sould responsibility.

Around Christmas time, he physically threatened me on the phone. The result of that is what you read in this post, and an ineligibility to ever set foot in or around our home. I suspect Troy will never grow up, and as such, Cassidy will suffer some emotional and mental anguish. While I’m not Cassidy’s Dad, I try to make up for his childish behavior.

I love Cassidy and I Love Anna, and my actions show that. Troy spent his child support at the car show, that is where his priorities lie. Good job Dad.

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