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Archive for September, 2011

A Different Drummer

September 14th, 2011 No comments

Heard today from Beatrice, my Trainer/Therapist/Masseuse:

“Are you such a racer! Always going, moving, so many things at once, always in motion!”
(in response to my attemps to ‘fix’ what ails me)

I’ve had heal pain in my ankle/Achilles since July 10th of this year.  It’s been just over 8 weeks.  I recently went to see Joyce Thom (more on Joyce here), and even she spoke about how in Eastern Medicine, the right side of your body is usually linked to the doing, being in motion.  And she thought it was intriguing that most of my pain was there (my right lower back, My right Quad, my right Calf, my right knee, my right ankle).

Beatrice, Joyce, and my father’s wife kandy, are all saying the same things.

-Just Be: Take the time to learn how to ‘just be’ (not to be happy only when in motion, doing, accomplishing).
-Relax: Everything really will be okay.
-Breathe: Breathe with a purpose, to calm yourself, constantly, deep breaths, mindful, from the belly.
-Trust Yourself: This one is a challenge for me.  Since my lower back injury, I’ve seen my body as a hidden weapon that only needs to be activated to cause incredible, instant pain.  I’m working on accepting my body as part of me, not the enemy.
-Appreciate Yourself: Give yourself credit for each and every accomplishment, focus on the positive, literally pat yourself on your back when you do something good for yourself.  Feel the good on the other side of the tough choices you make, focus on it, wait for the feeling before you move into the resistance, wait for the resistance to fade and the good feeling to saturate you.

My intellectual self is still trying to think and do what it can to ‘fix’ this.  I’m in the process of convincing myself to take time, make space, flow…

…It’s a very interesting and challenging time to be me :)

Categories: General Tags:

An Ounce of Practice…

September 8th, 2011 1 comment

It would seem I am meant to further practice my relaxation techniques.  Yesterday, On the way to work, during work, and at the begining of my commute home, I was listening to the Calm Meditation radio station on Pandora dot com.  So, on the way home, when the driver of a 2008 Chevy Malibu decided my lane was in fact his lane, …I wasn’t as tweaked out as I would have been in previous years.  At first, I was frustrated, and a little jumpy from the adrenaline.  However, that soon passed.  I was kind with the other driver, and he was kind with me.

He said “Wow, you’re so calm… I’m sooo sorry”.

Little did he know it took that many hours of calming music to take me there :)

There’s damage to the car.  The two passenger doors will likely need to be replaced.

Mazda Post Accident

However, it’s jsut a car, car’s can be fixed.  I wasn’t hurt, nor was the other driver.  Life goes on :)

Categories: Ben Tags: , ,

Letting Go

September 7th, 2011 1 comment

I know who I want to be, I know I’m not there (yet), …and when I look inward, feeling the deepest roots of my soul, I have no clue how to become that person – relaxed under heavy load, flexible in mind and body, fluid in action and motion, a soft-spoken mind with a strong heart, leading an active life free from injury.

Those I trust tell me, that to get there, I just have to let go, to do nothing, don’t try to fix anything, but instead, listen to my body, my non-intellectual self, relax…. This is so foreign to me, it is so differenet from what I’ve done until now.

Categories: Ben, Health Tags:

Overwhelmed

September 6th, 2011 1 comment
I am overwhelmed.  The pain I am in is overwhelming me.
Neck Pain
Lower Back Pain (pretty tight/bad)
Right Ankle Iffy/Pain
Right Knee Iffy/pain
I’m afraid
That the pain is enough to stop me from being in motion, exercising… but that if I don’t stay in motion, exercising, it will just get worse.
I want to believe
…to know that I will be okay, alrighty, be confident, …trusting in my body,
but how can I ignore all of the signals from my body?
I am confused, afraid, and in Pain.
Categories: Health Tags: