BenHirsch.net

The title is a Martin Luther King Jr Quote.

I wear glasses.  Not a lot of folks that know me know that.  My vision is spectacular.  So, in every case…, less one, I’m good to go.  Far away (think driving, …racing), I can see perfectly.  However, as objects or text move closer (think reading a computer screen, or a book), one of my eyes, specifically the muscle around it, is lazy (weak! literally).  Who cares?  Well, the point is, … I can see.  I ‘perceive’ well, I ‘notice’ things.  Sometimes, too well, more often than not, I’m perceptive.  I pickup on the things that others don’t.

“What the HELL are you getting at Ben?”

Well (grin), it’s not like I’m a SuperHero, and I have a small weakness (glasses), because I have some SuperSight.  I just have better than average perception when it comes to most things.  It usually leads to me overanalyzing.  Let me give you a current example:  My Race Car. (wow Ben, what a stretch)

Right now, after the wreck, it is sitting, outside, on a trailer, in a trailer storage yard, out in the weather, being beated on by the elements, with a hood 40% open.  Everytime I start to think about getting it out of the elements and into our newly finished garage, this is what happens, I think:

1. Since I can’t currently get the car to steer straight, I need to figure out some easy way to get the car off the trailer.  The problem there is that since it got smashed in, the front right side near the front right tire is pushed sideways, so it that tire can’t come all the way to center (turned too far right).
2. Maybe I could get a skinny spare (not standard on my car) and change it on the trailer?  Notice in the pictures that the center of the trailer is …wel, there isn’t one (with this style of trailer).  So, as soon as the car starts to role, it’s going to role right off of being ‘on’ something, and highcenter itself (bad).
3. Others have suggested furniture style or tire dolly’s underneath one or both front tires, but as you can see in the picture, that won’t work with this style of ramp.
4. Yet another idea I came up with (which I think is more comical than anything else), just to get it off the trailer, not fully into the garage, is to put McDonald’s style plastic trays underneath the front tires.  Then, maybe hook something up to the front of the car somewhere strong, and pull slowly while someone is in the car.  But, again, this just ‘maybe’ gets it off the trailer.
5. So, even if we get the car off the trailer, then, with the status of that bumper, will it even fit into the garage w/o first removing the bumper? (it’s in bad shape, and I’m not sure how difficult those bolts holding the bumper on will be).
6. If I DO manage to get the car into the garage, then what.  We dont’ have the money to fix the car (probably somewhere around 8-10k), and with the state of the economy, my NVIDIA stocks aren’t worth anything right now, so that’s not an option.
7. Then, there’s my back.  I hurt it when I was in the accident, and my ability to track my car again is still a question mark.
8. And with all of that, we’re still making payments on the used massive Chevy 2500HD Turbo Diesel Truck that pulls pulled the racecar to the track.
9. And even more important than any of these things, and especially important to Anna is the Biological WoMD clock of child Construction (of which, the ticking is deafening), and of which the cost is also astronomical (as well).

So, Then I just stress out, probably get a headache, which sometimes leads to a worse headache, and has yet to lead to any action anywhere NEAR me getting near the trailer yard where the car is.  Let alone getting the car into the garage.

Then, I start to think about how working on that car, and driving that car, and seeing that car, and hearing that car, smelling that car, …all of it, all of those things, how they made me feel, how passionate I am about motorsports, and being out on the track, and right now, how I can’t do that, and how my future to be even potentially able to do that is uncertain.  With the additional $1200 we pay now in a mortgage payment per month, it just decreases the liklihood that I’ll ever do it again, even when I want to. (I was going to write ‘if’ I wanted to, but I know better, I want to).

So, …I SEE things (back to the point).  I see much more, much further down the road than I want to, it’s built into me.  While others around me may be grateful for the insight I can bring into their lives, and even at times it may do me a service to be able to see such detail, …other times, it will paralyze me.

But, I have to find a way….I have to.  So, with all of those (#1-8, …probably more), come back to #0 (not listed)…

Patience….

So, if you’re reading this, just remember, that with everything else, this is on my mind all the time.

………..all the time.